TÖØ CHA THIEÂN THÖÔÏNG ÑEÁN CHA TRAÀN THEÁ
"Thöa Chuùa, ñaây khoâng laø phöông caùch con ñaõ ñònh. Khoâng phaûi vaäy. Con cuûa con ñöôïc sanh trong moät chuoàng thuù sao? Ñaây khoâng laø phöông caùch con nghó seõ nhö vaäy. Moät caùi hang vôùi chieân vaø löøa, rôm vôùi raï? Vôï con sanh nôû, chæ coù nhöõng ngoâi sao nghe ñöôïc tieáng keâu ñau cuûa naøng?Con khoâng heà nghó nhöõng ñieàu ñoù. Thöa khoâng. Con hình dung ñeán gia ñình. Con hình dung caùc cuï baø noäi ngoaïi. Con hình dung nhöõng ngöôøi haøng xoùm tuï taäp ngoaøi cöûa vaø baïn beø ñöùng beân caïnh con. Con hình dung caên nhaø böøng daäy tieáng khoùc ñaàu tieân cuûa ñöùa beù. Nhöõng tieáng voã nheï treân löng. Tieáng cöôøi roän raõ. Lieân hoan.
Ñoù laø caùch con nghó söï vieäc seõ nhö vaäy.
Baø muï seõ trao ñöùa beù cho con vaø moïi ngöôøi cuøng hoan hoâ. Mary seõ nghæ ngôi vaø chuùng con seõ lieân hoan. Heát thaûy Nazareth seõ lieân hoan.
Nhöng baây giôø. Baây giôø haõy xem. Nazareth caùch xa naêm ngaøy ñöôøng. Vaø chuùng con trong moät... ñoàng coû ñaày chieân. Ai seõ lieân hoan vôùi chuùng con? Nhöõng con chieân? Nhöõng muïc ñoàng? Caùc vì sao?
Vieäc naày xem nhö khoâng phaûi. Con laø moät ngöôøi choàng loaïi naøo? Con khoâng tìm ñöôïc moät baø muï ñeå giuùp vôï con. Khoâng moät caùi giöôøng cho naøng töïa löng. Goái ñaàu naøng laø taám loùt löng löøa. Nhaø cho naøng laø moät caùi choøi rôm raï.
Muøi tanh hoâi khoù thôû, nhöõng con thuù oàn aøo. Taïi sao, chính con cuõng xoâng muøi nhö moät gaõ chaên chieân.
Phaûi chaêng con ñaõ sô soùt ñieàu gì, thöa Chuùa?
Khi Ngaøi sai thieân söù vaø noùi veà moät con trai ñöôïc sanh ra - ñaây khoâng laø ñieàu con phaùt hoïa. Con hình dung Jerusalem, ñeàn thôø, caùc tu só, vaø daân chuùng tuï taäp chôø xem. Coù theå moät leã hoäi. Moät dieãn haønh. Ít nhaát moät yeán tieäc. Con muoán noùi, ñaây laø Ñaáng Giaûi Cöùu!
Hoaëc, neáu khoâng ñöôïc sanh taïi Jerusalem, coøn Nazareth thì sao? Nazareth khoâng toát hôn chaêng? Ít nhaát taïi ñoù con coù moät ngoâi nhaø vaø ngheà nghieäp cuûa con. Coøn ôû ñaây, con coù gì? Moät con löøa moûi meät, moät boù cuûi khoâ, vaø moät bình nöôùc aám. Ñaây khoâng laø phöông caùch con muoán ñöôïc vaäy! Ñaây khoâng laø phöông caùch con muoán cho con cuûa con.
OÀ, con laïi nhaàm laãn. Con laïi sai laàm, phaûi khoâng, thöa Chuùa? Con khoâng muoán laøm theá; ñoù chæ laø ñieàu con queân. Ñöùa beù khoâng laø con cuûa con... maø laø Con Ngaøi.
Ñöùa beù laø Con Ngaøi. Chöông trình laø cuûa Ngaøi. YÙ kieán laø cuûa Ngaøi. Xin tha loãi cho con vì caâu hoûi, nhöng... phaûi chaêng ñaây laø phöông caùch Thöôïng Ñeá ñi vaøo theá gian? Söï ñeán cuûa thieân söù, con ñaõ tieáp nhaän. Nhöõng caâu hoûi ngöôøi ta neâu ra veà söï mang thai, con coù theå dung thöù. Chuyeán veà Bethlehem, cuõng ñöôïc. Nhöng taïi sao sanh ra trong moät chuoàng thuù, thöa Chuùa?
Baây giôø, Mary seõ sanh nôû baát cöù giaây phuùt naøo. Khoâng phaûi sanh ra moät ñöùa con, song moät Ñaáng Giaûi Cöùu. Khoâng phaûi moät haøi nhi, song moät Thöôïng Ñeá. Ñoù laø ñieàu thieân söù ñaõ tuyeân baùo. Ñoù laø ñieàu Mary ñaõ tin. Vaø, laïy Thöôïng Ñeá, Thöông Ñeá cuûa con, ñoù laø ñieàu con muoán tin. Nhöng chaéc haún Ngaøi coù theå hieåu cho con; khoâng phaûi deã tin. Xem nhö thaät... thaät... thaät... laï kyøï.
Con khoâng quen ñieàu kyø laï nhö vaäy, thöa Chuùa. Con laø moät thôï moäc. Con taïo nhöõng vaät khít khao. Con goït nhöõng goùc caïnh vuoâng vaén. Con theo ñöôøng thaúng cuûa daây treo hoøn chì. Con ño hai laàn tröôùc khi caét moät löôïc. Moät ngöôøi xaây döïng khoâng coù söï ngaïc nhieân. Con thích ñöôïc bieát hoïa ñoà. Con thích ñöôïc thaáy hoïa ñoà tröôùc khi con khôûi söï.
Nhöng laàn naày, con khoâng laø ngöôøi xaây döïng, phaûi khoâng? Laàn naày con laø moät duïng cuï. Moät caùi buùa trong naém tay Ngaøi. Moät caây ñinh giöõa caùc ngoùn tay Ngaøi. Moät caùi ñuïc trong baøn tay Ngaøi. Ñoà aùn naày laø cuûa Ngaøi, khoâng phaûi con.
FROM ONE FATHER TO ANOTHER
This isn't the way I planned it, God. Not at all. My child being born in a stable? This isn't the way I thought it would be. A cave with sheep and donkeys, hay and straw? My wife giving birth with only the stars to hear her pain?This isn't at all what I imagined. No, I imagined family. I imagined grandmothers. I imagined neighbors clustered outside the door and friends standing at my side. I imagined the house erupting with the first cry of the infant. Slaps on the back. Loud laughter. Jubilation.
That's how I thought it would be.
The midwife would hand me my child and all the people would applaud. Mary would rest and we would celebrate. All of Nazareth would celebrate.
But now. Now look. Nazareth is five days' journey away. And here we are in a . . . in a sheep pasture. Who will celebrate with us? The sheep? The shepherds? The stars?
This doesn't seem right. What kind of husband am I? I provide no midwife to aid my wife. No bed to rest her back. Her pillow is a blanket from my donkey. My house for her is a shed of hay and straw.
The smell is bad, the animals are loud. Why, I even smell like a shepherd myself.
Did I miss something? Did I, God?
When you sent the angel and spoke of the son being born - this isn't what I pictured. I envisioned Jerusalem, the temple, the priests, and the people gathered to watch. A pageant perhaps. A parade. A banquet at least. I mean, this is the Messiah!
Or, if not born in Jerusalem, how about Nazareth? Wouldn't Nazareth have been better? At least there I have my house and my business. Out here, what do I have? A weary mule, a stack of firewood, and a pot of warm water. This is not the way I wanted it to be! This is not the way I wanted my son.
Oh my, I did it again. I did it again didn't I, Father? I don't mean to do that; it's just that I forget. He's not my son . . . He's Yours.
The Child is Yours. The plan is Yours. The idea is yours. And forgive me for asking but . . . is this how God enters the world? The coming of the angel, I've accepted. The questions people asked about the pregnancy, I can tolerate. The trip to Bethlehem, fine. But why a birth in a stable, God?
Any minute now Mary will give birth. Not to a child, but the Messiah. Not to an infant, but to God. That's what the angel said. That's what Mary believes. And, God, my God, that's what I want to believe. But surely you can understand; it's not easy. It seems so . . . so . . . so . . . bizarre.
I'm unaccustomed to such strangeness, God. I'm a carpenter. I make things fit. I square off the edges. I follow the plumb line. I measure twice before I cut once. Surprises are not the friend of a builder. I like to know the plan. I like to see the plan before I begin.
But this time I'm not the builder, am I? This time I'm a tool. A hammer in your grip. A nail between your fingers. A chisel in your hands. This project is yours, not mine.